{"id":195,"date":"2025-10-28T12:01:42","date_gmt":"2025-10-28T16:01:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/?p=195"},"modified":"2026-01-06T08:29:06","modified_gmt":"2026-01-06T13:29:06","slug":"treat-yo-self-the-existential-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/?p=195","title":{"rendered":"Treat Yo Self: The Existential Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Before you read this, please know:
This isn\u2019t about blame. It\u2019s about how things feel from my side. I\u2019m not saying anyone is wrong. I\u2019m just trying to give language to feelings that I often carry quietly. Writing is how I process, not how I point fingers. I love deeply, and this is one way I learn to understand myself so I can love better.<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Right now, as I\u2019m typing this, my three-year-old is sitting at the end of our counter crying because she \u201cwants to see Sally Owens.\u201d Sally is our newest fur baby\u2014named after the witch from Practical Magic.<\/em> One green eye, one blue, full chaos in a fluffy package. If you know, you know. Meanwhile, I\u2019m trying to decide if I\u2019m parenting or performing an exorcism. I want quiet; she wants a cat s\u00e9ance. The crying is scratching at the thin layer of patience I\u2019m trying to stretch across my day. And that\u2019s really what this post is about: learning how to take myself into consideration without feeling guilty about it\u2014or lighting sage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I saw something the other day that stopped me: people-pleasers are actually setting their closest people up for failure. Because when you never voice your needs, you build resentment toward the very people you\u2019re trying to protect. That one punched me right in the \u201cI\u2019m fine.\u201d I\u2019ve been the over-accommodating, keep-the-peace, \u201cdon\u2019t worry, I\u2019ve got it\u201d person for so long that my own needs are like expired yogurt in the back of the fridge\u2014technically still there, but probably not safe to ignore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nick just took a solo trip to Virginia to see his dad for his 60th birthday. I\u2019ve struggled with his solo time\u2014not because I don\u2019t want him to go, but because I never really do anything solo myself. Before him, I was traveling, going to concerts, eating alone in restaurants like I owned the place. I was rebuilding after my second marriage, remembering who \u201cBridgette\u201d was. He met me right in that rediscovery phase. Fast-forward nine years, and while the love is solid, the me<\/em> part sometimes gets misplaced between arranging my days around nap routines, extra curricular transportation and dinner plans.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When he left for that trip, something in me got loud. Not the kind of loud that starts fights, just the kind that mutters \u201cwhat about me?\u201d into your coffee. Instead of writing a novel via text, I sat in it and really thought about it. I wrote…a lot. I texted my best friend (of course!). I realized I consider everyone all the time. The meals, the moods, the vitamins, the naps, the pets, the bills. You name it, I\u2019ve thought about it. But I rarely stop to ask myself what I<\/em> need. I consider everyone, but not myself. That realization hit like an email from the universe with \u201cper my last attempt at self-care\u201d in the subject line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of that goes back further. Since my mom passed, my relationship with my dad has\u2026 dimmed. I\u2019ve reached out, said I miss him, tried to keep us connected, but it feels like static on the line. I know grief scrambles people differently, but sometimes it feels like I\u2019m floating out there, waiting for a signal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I think about it, I picture my inner child as an untethered astronaut\u2014drifting in that quiet space between what was and what is. Everyone I love is down there, grounded, busy, and I\u2019m just floating nearby, watching, waving, trying to find my footing again. My mom was my tether\u2014my beginning, my grounding. Losing her didn\u2019t just shake my world; it left a part of me untethered. These days, I find gravity in Nick, in my closest friends, and in being a mom. But that little astronaut version of me? She\u2019s still floating sometimes. And she just wants to be considered, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe that\u2019s why this whole consideration<\/em> theme has hit so hard. I want to be considered\u2014not for attention, but for connection. The same way that inner astronaut just wants to know someone\u2019s still holding the line.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s funny, because this whole thing technically started at Wegmans back in March. My first solo trip in forever. I walked in with big main-character energy\u2014coffee in hand, sunglasses on indoors, fully prepared to browse like a woman who knows what she wants. Three hours later, I was still in there, having what can only be described as an emotional scavenger hunt through the frozen foods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ever been to Wegmans, you know no two stores are laid out the same. It\u2019s like they purposely redesign them to test your will to live. But as I stood there debating over soup, I realized it wasn\u2019t the store that was confusing\u2014it was me. I couldn\u2019t figure out what I wanted, because I hadn\u2019t asked myself that question in years. Not just \u201cwhat\u2019s for dinner,\u201d but what do I want, period?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That trip planted the seed. The Virginia weekend just watered it with perimenopausal rage and lack of sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve been in couples counseling, and one of the biggest takeaways so far is that Nick and I both tend to relate<\/em> to each other\u2019s feelings instead of validating them. It\u2019s not malice; it\u2019s instinct. When someone shares something, it\u2019s easier to say, \u201cOh, I\u2019ve felt that,\u201d instead of \u201cYeah, that makes sense.\u201d Validation over comparison\u2014it\u2019s a small shift, but it changes everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And once I noticed that, I started seeing it everywhere. Like when someone tells Nick they love something I wrote or loves my photography but doesn\u2019t tell me.<\/em> I know they mean well, but it hits weird. It\u2019s not about needing a standing ovation. I just want the occasional \u201cHey, I saw what you did there.\u201d Recognition isn\u2019t about ego; it\u2019s about connection. It\u2019s the \u201cI see you\u201d of adult life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consideration can look like that, too. A text back. Remembering that I said I was tired. Saying \u201cthat post hit me\u201d instead of assuming I know it did. Little things that say, \u201cYou matter. You\u2019re not invisible in your own orbit.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to think being low-maintenance was a compliment. Turns out, \u201clow-maintenance\u201d sometimes translates to \u201cshe\u2019ll handle it.\u201d Independence says, \u201cI\u2019ve got this.\u201d Invisibility whispers, \u201cI\u2019ll handle it because no one else notices.\u201d Somewhere along the line, those two got tangled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So last week, I bought myself sushi. From Sam\u2019s Club, because apparently, that\u2019s who I am now. And flowers\u2014because why not? It felt ridiculous and freeing all at once. Maybe that\u2019s what the tether back to Earth feels like. Grocery-store sushi and discount daisies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It reminded me that consideration has to start with me. It\u2019s not selfish to take up space in my own life or to ask for space in someone else\u2019s. To me, consideration opens curiosity, and curiosity invites understanding. I don\u2019t think most people are inconsiderate; I think we just get distracted. We stop asking why<\/em> before assuming what.<\/em> We forget to say the small things that make people feel seen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So yeah, I\u2019ll probably still get lost in Wegmans again someday, aimlessly circling the produce section pretending to make decisions while secretly enjoying the quiet. But this time, I\u2019ll know what I\u2019m looking for \u2014 a little grace, a little humor, and maybe another pre-made sushi roll I don\u2019t have to share with anyone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because I\u2019m learning that consideration doesn\u2019t always come from others \u2014 sometimes it\u2019s something you give back to yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And maybe that\u2019s what this season of my life is really about: learning how to hold my own tether. To stay connected, grounded, and gently pull myself back when I start to drift too far.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider this: maybe what we all want most isn\u2019t to be perfectly understood. Maybe we just want to be considered. Deeply. Gently. And often.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before you read this, please know:This isn\u2019t about blame. It\u2019s about how things feel from my side. I\u2019m not saying anyone is wrong. I\u2019m just trying to give language to feelings that I often carry quietly. Writing is how I process, not how I point fingers. I love deeply, and this is one way I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-lately"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=195"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":201,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/195\/revisions\/201"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=195"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=195"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=195"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}