{"id":310,"date":"2026-01-20T12:01:00","date_gmt":"2026-01-20T17:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/?p=310"},"modified":"2026-01-20T12:04:29","modified_gmt":"2026-01-20T17:04:29","slug":"one-feather-is-plenty-the-art-of-giving-zero-fcks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/?p=310","title":{"rendered":"One Feather Is Plenty: The Art of Giving Zero F*cks"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I was reading Gertrude McFuzz<\/em> to Evelyn the other day when I had a very adult realization: Dr. Seuss absolutely knew what he was doing. This wasn\u2019t really a children\u2019s book. Or maybe it was\u2014but he wrote it knowing we\u2019d come back to it later with more life under our belts and far less patience for nonsense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a kid, I saw silly birds and rhymes. As an adult, I see comparison. I see insecurity. I see what happens when someone else\u2019s dissatisfaction starts whispering into your sense of self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Gertrude starts with one feather. One perfectly good, perfectly appropriate feather. Her uncle even tells her\u2014calmly and kindly\u2014that she has exactly the right amount for the kind of bird she is. But then there\u2019s Lolla-Lee-Lou. She has two feathers. She\u2019s not bragging. She\u2019s not trying to make a point. She\u2019s just existing. And Gertrude cannot cope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So Gertrude asks for another feather. Gets it. And immediately decides it still isn\u2019t enough\u2014because comparison never stops at equal. It escalates to more than. More than her. More than necessary. More than she can actually carry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She keeps adding feathers until she can\u2019t walk, can\u2019t move, and can\u2019t even enjoy what she worked so hard to get. Eventually, she has to undo it all, removing feather after feather until she\u2019s back where she started. Same bird. One feather. Less weight. More peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That story stuck with me because it mirrors real life more than I care to admit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At first, I thought it was about someone else\u2014the kind of person who makes life harder without ever being direct about it. The jealousy isn\u2019t loud. It\u2019s persistent. The behavior isn\u2019t accidental. It\u2019s intentional. The goal isn\u2019t growth\u2014it\u2019s company. Bless their heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it\u2019s also about blended family life and the anger people expect you to swallow politely while you keep doing everything \u201cthe right way.\u201d Nick has pointed out\u2014gently\u2014that I carry anger toward his ex. He\u2019s not wrong. He carries anger toward mine too, but his shows up in quieter ways because mine isn\u2019t especially present. His makes her presence known. Repeatedly. Often at the emotional expense of children who didn\u2019t ask for any of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve been through the ringer over the last decade. Trials that would have broken a lot of people. And yet, we keep showing up. We keep choosing the family we\u2019ve built. Not because we\u2019re saints, but because lowering our standards to meet someone else\u2019s behavior isn\u2019t how we operate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anger doesn\u2019t disappear just because you\u2019re handling things well. Sometimes it sits there, waiting for somewhere to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Which brings me to my hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently cut it back into a pixie. Again. No announcement. No opinions requested. I just did it\u2014quietly and decisively. I\u2019d been growing it out because I told myself it would be easier, but it was also less me. It weighed down my energy, my movement, my mindset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of it was grief. My mother had beautiful hair. Letting mine grow felt like holding onto her. I\u2019m also letting my gray come in naturally\u2014something she never got to do. But there was another layer I couldn\u2019t ignore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The comments were derogatory. Calling me a \u201cdyke,\u201d using short hair as a reason to imply lesser worth. I\u2019m not offended by the word. I\u2019m disgusted by the intention behind it. I\u2019m protective of people\u2019s choices. I\u2019m protective of my own. Using appearance as a weapon says far more about the speaker than the target.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So yes, for a while I added feathers\u2014not because I wanted them, but because I let someone else\u2019s bitterness sit in my head longer than it deserved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That ends here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because I\u2019m not Gertrude anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m Lolla-Lee-Lou. I\u2019m minding my own business. Living a life someone else felt entitled to but didn\u2019t do the work for. Loving my family. Choosing peace. Showing up. Being happy. And apparently, that alone makes some people deeply uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also realized something else while sitting with this story. Being angry is just another version of adding feathers. You think it\u2019s protecting you, keeping you upright, giving you something to hold onto\u2014but really, it just makes everything heavier. I can be Gertrude and Lolla-Lee-Lou at the same time. I\u2019ve carried comparison. I\u2019ve carried anger. And I know how exhausting that feels. It has to be so tiring to live that way\u2014to be so focused on what\u2019s missing or what went wrong that you can\u2019t see the beauty right in front of you. To miss gratitude for the life you have now because you\u2019re still angry it didn\u2019t unfold exactly how you thought it should simply by existing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hope they find peace in their valley. I hope they heal there. And I hope they stay the fuck out of mine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They say hair carries trauma and history. Maybe that\u2019s true\u2014because when I cut it, I felt something else go with it. The weight. The anger. The need to explain myself to people who were never asking in good faith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today I\u2019m tired. It\u2019s one of those mornings that feels lived-in already. I\u2019m sitting on the couch post-shower, Evelyn curled up next to me watching Blue\u2019s Clues<\/em> and flipping through Six by Seuss<\/em> while I write this. Teenagers are teenagers. Toddlers get sick. Life is messy. And somehow, I\u2019m still content.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The source matters. At this age, I refuse to rearrange myself to make someone else comfortable with my existence. I will continue to choose what feels light.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My feathers are plenty. And I\u2019m very happy with mine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was reading Gertrude McFuzz to Evelyn the other day when I had a very adult realization: Dr. Seuss absolutely knew what he was doing. This wasn\u2019t really a children\u2019s book. Or maybe it was\u2014but he wrote it knowing we\u2019d come back to it later with more life under our belts and far less patience […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-310","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-lately"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=310"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":326,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/310\/revisions\/326"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=310"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=310"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillmeinhere.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=310"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}